When Mother’s Day Feels Complicated

You are Not Alone

Not everyone feels joy when Mother’s Day comes around. For some, it’s a tender ache—a reminder of what was lost, what never was, or what still feels unresolved.

I know this feeling all too well. I was estranged from my own mother until she passed, due to toxicity and other painful factors. It wasn’t a choice made lightly, but it was one I had to make for my own well-being. And even now, there’s a part of me that carries that ache.

Because of this, I’ve always chosen to think of this time as Nurturer’s Day—a day to honor not just mothers, but all those who have nurtured me along the way. Over the years, I’ve been deeply blessed by the care and wisdom of other women—teachers, mentors, bosses—who saw me, supported me, and helped me grow.

I often wonder if I was a better mother to my own daughters—though I know I wasn’t perfect. None of us are. But I do know that the deep pain associated with my own mother has taught me something: how to hold space for others. How to nurture with patience, to listen without judgment, to offer comfort where it’s needed.

And I know I’m not alone.
There are parents mourning the loss of connection with their children—through estrangement, misunderstandings, or painful circumstances. Their grief is real. Their love is real, even in its distance.

This Nurturer’s Day, if you find yourself feeling grief, longing, guilt, or simply feeling disconnected—know that you’re not alone. Complicated feelings are real. They are valid. And you have a right to feel exactly as you do.

Whether you are a mother, had a mother, lost a mother, longed to be a mother, chose another path, or are mourning a lost connection—your experience is yours. Honor it. Hold it with tenderness.

And if you need a space to breathe, to feel, or to just be held in compassion—know that I’m here.

With love,
💜 Deb

Listen to a short audio talk here.